Epiphany
by Crystal Renee
Summary: Songfic to Staind's 'Epiphany' Kenshin needs a little push to keep him going 2 years after the revolution while he thinks over Tomoe's demise.


Disclaimer: No. I do not own Kenshin, nor do I own Tomoe. Yes, I don't own them, and yes, this is a Tomoe/Kenshin fic. I'll listen to all your shocked gasps afterward.  
  
Author's Notes: This is my first TRUE Kenshin/Tomoe fic. Now before you Tomoe fans read this, I write mostly Kenshin/Kaoru fics. But I have nothing against Tomoe, I think she was very important was Kenshin's first love. I will not deny that, it's true. I apologize ahead of time if I make her sound totally out of character. I borrowed the Trust and Betrayl Samurai X movies from my friend a few weeks ago, and since I don't have them here with me, it's kinda hard to go back and try and place her character 100% correctly. This is a song fic written to Staind's 'Epiphany'. Staind is my favorite group, so bear with me. OH!! And this is an updated version. I put down 'Osaka' instead of 'Otsu'. Hey, they're kinda close!! ^____^  
  
~*~_~*~ Words between these are from the song '_' Words in these are thoughts ~"_"~ Words between these are quotes (to the best of my knowledge) from Tomoe  
  
Epiphany  
  
~*~'Your words to me just a whisper,  
  
Your faces so unclear,  
  
I try to pay attention,  
  
Your words just disappear.'~*~  
  
'Tomoe...' Kenshin thought, staring up at the night sky. Two years of wandering and her image still haunted him. Her voice still resounded constantly in his mind, her image faded but her picture was clear. Everything had become confusing since the tragedy that was the end of her life had begun. Kenshin was left in the wake with the guilt and the utter hatred toward himself.  
  
~"Don't cry, love... it is better this way."~  
  
~*~'Cause its always raining in my head,  
  
Forget all the thing's I should have said.'~*~  
  
The thing he regretted the most was never truly telling her how he felt. The things he felt with Tomoe were so different to him, after being shielded with the blood and darkness of his life. He hadn't known a light that was so blinding could be so comforting. He never knew he could love someone else and not regret it--- not feel guilty for wanting to be with them, despite his title. He was Battousai; he would always be Battousai at heart.  
  
But even when she did hold that against him, she never made him feel bad. She had forgiven him for destroying her life and then let him in. She said they would wed--- she was selfless in her final act on earth. Kenshin placed his hand upon his scar, tracing the mark she had made with her final breath. How she could have forgiven him, he had no idea. He had killed her happiness, and then destroyed the possibility of making it up to her again.  
  
~"Please... my love, please forgive me"~  
  
~*~'So I speak to you in riddles because  
  
My words get in my way. I smoke the  
  
whole thing to my head and feel it  
  
wash away 'cause i can't take anymore  
  
of this, I want to come apart.  
  
or dig myself a little hole inside  
  
your precious heart~*~  
  
The guilt tore away at him. He had killed her, by his own blade. The same blade that had killed her original betrothed. Kenshin gripped his forehead roughly, tears streaming down his cheeks like blood from open cuts. He scolded himself for brooding.  
  
But he just couldn't forget her. She was the only thing he had, the only thing he could come to depend on. And in the end, like everyone else he had been able to care for, she was taken away. But instead of it being the disease that had killed his parents, the bandit that had killed his 'sisters', or his stubbornness that had made him leave his sensei, it had been him who had killed her. Him. His hands were stained with the blood of the only woman he had ever loved.  
  
And the only woman he would ever love, he swore to himself. She was the only one he wanted to be with, the only one he wanted to love him in return.  
  
~"But... but I worked so hard."~  
  
~*~'Cause its always raining in my head,  
  
Forget all the things I should have said,  
  
I am nothing more than a little boy inside,  
  
That cries out for attention,  
  
yet I always try to hide,  
  
'Cause I talk to you like children,  
  
Though I don't know how I feel,  
  
But I know I'll do the right thing,  
  
If the right thing is revealed.~*~  
  
'I promised her... I promised I'd never kill after that war' Kenshin reminded himself grimly. 'If anything... I'm going to keep that promise to her. Maybe then she can truly forgive me.'  
  
He stood on shaky legs and stared up at the night sky with a broken look upon his face. Shutting his eyes, the elegant face of his love played in his mind, the way they had been before the betrayal of Iizuka, after they had been sent to Otsu (A/N: Correct me if I'm wrong, I'm trying to do all of this from memory). How he only wanted to touch her again, hear her voice one more time. Not imagine it and not remember it. He wanted nothing more than to hold her in his arms without having to remember the blood that had soaked her white kimono. Sometime pure that he had stained with blood. A purity lost because of him.  
  
He shook his head. It hurt so bad to remember these things. 'Tomoe... I love you, I still do... I'm sorry...'.  
  
A small breath of air was felt next to him, like something had patted him on the shoulder. Immediately his eyes flew open and he looked around, but saw that he was alone. Yet somehow, he felt a little better. A small, sad smile flew across his face.  
  
'You're still smiling at me, aren't you Tomoe?' he thought.  
  
~"Now you know all about me..."~  
  
~*~'Cause its always raining in my head,  
  
Forget all the things I should have said~*~  
  
Deciding he had sat there long enough, Kenshin turned and continued on his way in the snow of the forest, a slight feeling of contentment within him. He couldn't explain what, but it was clear to him. Maybe, it had been an epiphany. Tomoe was still with him, even if he couldn't see her. She wouldn't leave him alone.  
  
Author's Notes: Yeah. Let me guess, it sucked. It's probably not even an original idea, and I'm sorry for that. So yeah, flame me or review me, which ever. But thanks for taking the time to read my horrid work. I've been experimenting with Battousai for a while ('By My Blade', 'Patterns on the Ground', 'Curse in Death', 'Battousai's Ballad', 'Ever Haunted' are all one shots I've written concerning his character) and I just got the idea for this when I saw the Epiphany video. Don't ask me why, I don't know. I hope it wasn't that bad. Drop me a response, please? And correct me on things I got wrong. I'm horrible at that, especially when I'm doing it all from memory.  
  
Oh, and an Epiphany is a visit from a spirit, I believe. I can't find it in my little dictionary, but I remember reading that somewhere.  
  
Love and hugs,  
  
Crystal Renee 


End file.
